Character Strength #7 - Optimism

I am a couple of Acorns behind on getting this last Character Strength out, but I thought, there is no time like the end of summer/beginning of a new school year to talk about Optimism! This month, I attended the American School Counselor Association’s Annual Conference, which happened to be held here in KC this year! The theme of the conference was “School Counselors are fired up in KC”... I have never talked about BBQ more in my life! But, aside from recommending my favorite BBQ spots, there is something exciting about sitting in sessions all day learning about how to help our students be their best selves. I truly left each session feeling optimistic and ready to get a new year started! I have mentioned this in previous Acorn articles, but while many of us are excited about the start of a new year, some of our kids feel anxious or worried about a transition to a new teacher, a new classroom, and new classmates. While we need to validate this anxiousness in our kids, the anticipation of a new year is a perfect opportunity to help your child practice being optimistic about change, transition, and the uncertainties of new phases in their lives. 

Optimistic kids view challenges and obstacles as temporary and manageable, whereas pessimistic kids view challenges as permanent roadblocks. You can probably figure out which of these perspectives hold a stronger predictor of success … A psychiatrist named Aaron Beck has begun to transform the way that we view the effects of optimism in our brains. His research has shown that our thoughts, feelings, and actions are all connected … our thoughts determine our feelings AND our behavior. This is why you see so much emphasis placed on teaching our kids a growth mindset, but specifically “The Power of YET”. The word “yet” captures the idea of optimism so simply. For example, I am a horrible runner. I dislike running, and I accept the fact that I am a horrible runner. However, my husband is always telling me “it just takes practice” (as do most things in life). In a perfect world, I would be able to run a marathon (I will not), however, I know that my mindset needs to be “I can’t run a marathon YET,” but I CAN run a mile and that is a good starting point. Dr. Borba states that, “there are three proven abilities parents can instill to nurture optimism and give kids the Character advantage.”

1. Optimistic thinking 

2. Assertive communication

3. Hope

Optimistic Thinking:

In a world where the media highlights all of the bad in the world, it is no shock that our kids lean towards pessimism. They see it on TV, they hear it in music, see it on billboards, but they also hear adults talking about the most recent tragedy, natural disaster, or in most recent news, politics. Dr. Borba emphasizes the idea that, “Kids mirror what they see and repeat what they hear, so they learn pessimism or optimism from us.”  With that being said, the first step to teaching our children optimistic thinking is to catch pessimistic thoughts. These are the, “never”, “always”, and “all the time”, thoughts. For example, “nobody ever likes me”, “I’ll fail every time”, “I never get chosen” etc. So, when you catch your child expressing these thoughts, challenge them. For example, “your friend must like you if you were invited to her party.” or “you got an A in spelling last week!”. Finally, change unrealistic pessimistic thoughts. Call your child out when you hear these “always”, “never”, “all the time”, statements. Dr. Borba uses one family as an example where the parents will say, “reality check” when their child makes an unrealistic statement. Recognize the negative thought and help them change it!

Assertive Communication: 

This is simply teaching your child to stand up for themselves, recognize peer pressure and embrace their values. If our children aren’t taught how to stand up for themselves, they feel helpless, stressed, and often adopt a pessimistic mindset. How can you teach your child to self-advocate? Dr. Borba uses the word CALM to help guide parents and educators through teaching assertive communication.

C = chill - if you can’t stay calm, others will not take you seriously when you are trying to set a boundary. (refer to the Acorn on Self-control)

A = assert - don’t run to defend your child every time they are "in need". Work with them to develop comebacks, teach them to say/show  someone they mean“no”, and introduce the idea of “I messages” (I don't like it when you ____") 

L = look strong - what does assertive (but not intimidating) body language look like?

M = mean it - Practice an assertive tone (not yelling, not whispering, but somewhere in between) 

Hope:

The most important aspect of instilling hope in your child is monitoring news consumption. Limit what they see on TV or on social media, but also don’t include your children in deep or intense conversations about the craziness of the world. While exposure is important, adult conversations should be held among adults. Be purposeful about exposing your children to uplifting books/stories, music, tell them “things will get better!”, develop a positive family mantra, encourage them to be a “good finder” (find good things in others), and volunteer. Get your children involved in helping others, because there is no better way to instill hope in yourself, than going out and instilling hope in others! 

Optimism may seem like one of the easier character strengths to teach our children, so lean into that. I'm not saying that you cannot show emotion when things are hard... do that. But also show them what it looks like to be resilient and know that this hard thing is temporary and the good is coming.

We all have a hand in helping our kids become Thrivers. We as the stakeholders in their lives, need to be modeling the 7 character strengths on a daily basis. It’s good for our kids, but it’s also good for everyone else around us when we are practicing these strengths. 

I am OPTIMISTIC that the 2024-2025 school year will be the best yet, and I can’t wait to see everyone so soon! 

Mrs. P