Executive Edge: Strengthening Skills Together

Hello and Happy September!

Last time, we delved into executive functioning skills and highlighted an important point: while your child's biological capacity for developing these skills is determined before birth, whether they reach their potential depends significantly on their environment and you, as parents, play a massive role in shaping that environment.

Understanding your own executive skills both strengths and weaknesses can greatly enhance your efforts when assisting your child. It can also help you avoid unnecessary conflicts. For example, if both you and your child struggle with staying organized, this might be a challenging skill for you to teach. However, instead of viewing this as a battle, you can turn it into a collaborative effort. You and your child can work together to develop organizational strategies, learning alongside each other.

Imagine this: you're both facing the same hurdle, whether it's organization, time management, or emotional regulation. Instead of letting it lead to frustration, you approach it as a shared project. This way, you're not just teaching a skill; you're modeling resilience, teamwork, and problem-solving, which are crucial life skills in themselves.

The Importance of Executive Skills for Your Child's Future

Executive skills are essential for helping your child achieve their hopes and dreams or any goals you envision for their future. These skills begin developing as early as 6-9 months and continue to evolve into late adolescence. Most people have a mix of executive skills, with some being stronger than others.

Until you understand how your executive skills, both strengths and weaknesses, align or misalign with your child’s, it can be challenging to know where to adjust your actions and how best to support your child. The surveys I attached to the last post are designed to help you gain a clearer understanding of both your and your child's executive function profiles.

Analyzing Survey Results: Tips for Identifying Patterns and Supporting Your Child

Once you've taken the survey, here are some tips to help you identify patterns and offer support more smoothly:

1. Look for Matching Strengths and Weaknesses:

   • Strength Alignment: If you discover that both you and your child share a particular strength, such as planning, celebrate this commonality and leverage it to tackle tasks together. For example, planning a family event or a study schedule can become a collaborative effort.

   • Weakness Alignment: If you both share a weakness, such as time management, consider it an opportunity to learn together. You can explore different time management strategies as a team, testing what works best for both of you.
      

2. Recognize Opposing Strengths:

   • If your child struggles with something that comes naturally to you, like staying organized, try to remember that what seems easy to you might be challenging for them. Approach these situations with patience and empathy, offering guidance without making them feel inadequate.
      

3. Focus on Building Weak Skills Together:

   • If you share a weakness with your child, work on building those skills together. For instance, if both of you struggle with task initiation, create a routine where you start tasks at the same time. This can build accountability and make the process less daunting for both of you.
      

4. Celebrate Small Wins:

   • Whether you’re working on shared weaknesses or building on strengths, celebrate the small victories along the way. This reinforces positive behavior and makes the journey of developing executive skills more enjoyable for both you and your child.
      

5. Use Your Strengths to Support Your Child’s Weaknesses:

   • If you identify an area where you’re strong, but your child is weak, use your expertise to gently guide them. For example, if you’re great at time management, help your child create a daily schedule and check in with them regularly to offer support.
      

6. Open Communication:

   • Talk openly with your child about the survey results. Discuss where each of you shines and where you both struggle. This conversation can foster mutual understanding and encourage a team approach to personal growth.
      

Capitalize on Their Unique Gifts

Remember, your child’s unique gifts are just as important as their challenges. For example, if your child struggles with organization, but you have a strength in this area, create a system where you design the organizational framework, but let your child personalize it with their artwork and creative input. This not only helps them take ownership of the system but also embraces their creativity, making the system more meaningful to them.

By understanding the executive skills landscape in your household, you can tailor your support strategies to better align with both your strengths and your child's needs. This approach not only enhances their ability to develop these crucial skills but also strengthens your relationship by turning challenges into shared growth opportunities.

Stay tuned for next month's post, where we'll discuss 10 principles for improving your child's executive skills discussing ideas from Smart But Scattered Peg Dawson, EdD & Richard Guare, PHD!